Coming back to reality after living in a day dream is like being smacked in the face with a shovel. While I am so grateful I had the opportunity to travel, it has been difficult to come back to Australia and get back into routine. After planning the trip for over a year, I now feel as though there's not that much to look forward to.
The economy is in free fall, the global warming crisis continues (Why is it that some people think they have no role to play in easing this?), there's talk of weapons, NSW is heading for implosion and there is poo in the sorbet (???).
My first day back at work after a month off, I was told of a 'Business Recovery Plan' devised to address the incredible queues we face. On a standard day, to have between 10-12 people waiting on the line, going over their cutting jibes one last time before releasing them into my earphone, is quite stressful. To have NINETY NINE people waiting to do so, is just... something else altogether. The number did not decrease throughout the day. The only way I could get through was to imagine that it was all just a trick. Perhaps there would be relief after the next call. Self delusion is not always the best coping method.
A week after being back, the division of which I am a part was 'restructured'. We're now a lovely slice of pie set for purchase. I have as much faith in the promises of job protection (for 2-3 years) as I do in Telstra providing quality service. Look what happened to them after restructuring and being sold off.
While painting (and planning the decoration of) my soon-to-be-beloved sun room, I was finally starting to feel my mood lift. With every lick of paint, I felt better and better. To see the nicotine yellow replaced with brilliant white was somewhat uplifting. My mind continued to wander, I smiled, and then I heard the following:
"When routine bites hard
and ambitions are low..."
and ambitions are low..."
I burst into tears.
The tone, lyrics, yearning, heart break, loneliness, helplessness, hopelessness, and the fact it was one of the last songs performed by Joy Division before their vocalist ended his life is enough to crush you, despite the beauty of the song.
As I sang along, my tears mixed with the paint. I poured out my frustration and painted it all over the walls. Catharsis. The room my mind now a blank canvas I plan to fill with colour. A place where I can finally let light in.
In honour of a long tradition, I will finish painting today while wearing red lipstick. In times of crisis (economic, political), women have worn lipstick. Surges in the sale of lipsticks are used to predict economic meltdowns, generally follow disaster and are a symbol of the search for hope (See: The Lipstick Indicator). Other women just wear red lipstick because there is something strangely empowering about it. Some even use it therapeutically. (Please ensure it has not been tested on animals).
Join me for a tea party once the painting is complete?
Sincerely singing (Foux De Fa Fa),
Agnes x
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