Imported

23.07.2008 - Soapbox Sessions #1.

I would love to sneak a bottle of Passion Pop into the extensive wine collection of two discerning, much respected experts. Not to be vindictive… Just to know that they will be unpleasantly surprised at any moment.

I was thinking about the song Discipline [Not that I was craving any... It's just a good song] by Nine Inch Nails during a particularly frustrating fragment of time. It got me thinking about an image on nin.com of a Trent Reznor doll [Kind of like Hard Core Ken]. In turn, this image resulted in thinking about Trent Reznor as a blow up doll with full on rouged cheeks, wide eyes and wider mouth. The moral to this anecdote: If there's somethin' strange in your neighbourhood… or you're feelin' a myspace outburst coming on... or you've just lost your "g"s; imagine the people in your vicinity as blow up dolls and your worries will fade away. Try it.

DISCLAIMER: I am not condoning, or in any way responsible for, the "use" of said "reconceptualised" individuals.

Transient Tourettes is paradoxically therapeutic.

It frustrates me that I cannot ask a Crumpet which bank they are customers of without feeling like an advertisement or smelling toast. The commercials have transcended and are now embedded in my own private Idaho. Get out!

I would like to take this moment to assert that I purchased eyeliner well before signing up to this particular web address.

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25.07.2008 - Twittrix.

a dear friend of mine will not join myspace for fear of fun. I however have joined T...

What i don't understand today: pheromones are, amongst other intents and purposes, often useful for communicating with fellow humans. sometimes pheromones are useful in persuading one that public transport should be avoided in summer. often times the purpose is to attract. given our custom of showering to remove offensive odours in order to find a balance between phairly attractive and pheromoronic to attract a mate or play date in a competitive environment, why is it then that some (often males) all use the same artificial scents to keep their sexy up? in high school, all the guys smell like lynx. they then move onto joop! [i must confess that in the times of my misspent youth, i was partial to joop!... until my brother jumped on the bandwagon and forevermore joop! will be a nasal reminder that my postcode is not 2306 or 2325]. why would you want your significant (forever or for-now) other to think of your friend when they're kissing your neck? scents are sensual, i cannot stress enough the importance of having your own scent sense of self. buy rexona or something just don't buy the same cologne/perfume.

I wonder if jay leno dyes the blackish patch of his widow's peak in a failed attempt to take the focus away from his chin. do you think this method could work for me?

There is never a good reason to drink tomato sauce.

There's a hidden message amongst this rambling.

Everyone should go join. now. agnesstone

love Rollercoaster (as covered by rhcp) is a fun song to listen to on a gloomy Friday night.

so is it illegal to mention other social networking websites on m*****e, or have i avoided uppercase all this time for no reason? fine. the gloves are off and uppercase incorporated is starting a COME BACK TOUR.

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28.07.2008 - 64.

Rainy days need sunny thoughts.

In sixty four days I will be boarding a Boeing for a 21 hour flight to Paris.

Now that makes for pleasant dreams.

I'll send you a postcard.

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31.07.2008 - Happy Thursday!

What a beautiful day! Even better for mine truly, as I have a roster day off.

Just a quick note to wish you a happy day. May it be filled with sunshine and smiles.

I'm off to meet some favourite lovelies for CBFPC.

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31.07.2008 - ...No jobs... - Goodbye, Starbucks.

With the two local Starbucks, amongst the other 59, closing it is evident a chain famed for their clustering strategy has now been cluster-f**ked.

*Ba Doomp Boomp Ching*

P.S. I do hope that the ex-staff find employment quickly. I also hope that this turn of events results in a shift back to independent cafes. Now if only Gloria Jeans [Hillsong Affiliates] and McCafe [Need I say more?] would back off...

P.P.S. Major cool points to Devo for successfully taking on McDonalds. Yes, they whipped it, whipped it good.

P.P.P.S. Cool points are also awarded to The Daily Show/Jon Stewart for reference to Bowie.

P.P.P.P.S. Cool points also go to J and K for joining me for CBFPC. Points deducted from A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Zed for standing me up.

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05.08.2008 - Soapbox Sessions #2.

Cheers.*

>>> RING RING <<<

"Hi. My name is Battery Hen, thank you for calling CrapCorp. How may I assist?"

>> BLAH BLAH BLAH <<

"Is there anything else I can help with today? Ok, then. Cheers."

When did this phone call change into something more comfortable? When did it become a liquid and more interesting representation of interaction between two mouths? 'Cheers' is a sacred word, reserved for the sharing of fine wine, passable vodka and last resort cough medicine.

The expression 'Cheer up' harks back to the historic sharing of alcohol with a friend to relieve stress, avoid reality and destroy the last remnants of one's liver. 'Cheers' is a reminder of this tradition. Why waste it on a meaningless phone call? It's just too hard to swallow.

Ladies and gents, if you can't drink it, saying Cheers at the end of the interaction will certainly lead to everyone knowing your name... but they won't be glad you came.

* Based on actual events. Names have been changed to protect the identity of the morons involved.
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